From Strangers to Family: Building Your Community Abroad

By Irish Vaughan (UC Santa Barbara)
On study abroad, you quickly learn that you will find your people and build a community abroad

In late November 2023, a makeshift dinner table constructed from desks, couches, and swivel chairs hosted what would become an unforgettable evening in Edinburgh. A candelabra burned in the center, illuminating a potluck-style feast and the faces of fifty close friends who had, just months earlier, been complete strangers. Laura, who was soon departing for Australia, raised a toast “to the people who welcomed us with open arms and made this far-off place feel like home.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

When I first applied to study in Edinburgh, the thought of traveling 5,000 miles from home was daunting. I struggled with homesickness at UCSB, which was just 300 miles from home! Among all the common fears that came with studying abroad, my biggest worry was that I wouldn’t find my people.

Looking back now, I realize I needn’t have worried. What followed was a journey that transformed complete strangers into family.

This is the story of how I built my community abroad – and how you can too.

Break Down Barriers – Starting Day One

My greatest fear was squashed pretty quickly on day one. The UCEAP orientation was essentially a big meet-and-greet, and I found one of my favorite people that very first day. Living in the Warrender dorms just around the corner from each other, we quickly became inseparable. Her roommates and I became the closest of friends, and evenings in the common room playing eightball became a nightly tradition. We called ourselves “The Flat-7 Crew.”

I never ate a meal alone, whether it was lunch on campus with one of my friends or the countless dinner parties. I was so busy that homesickness was the farthest thing from my head. In fact, I had never felt more at home.

Say “Yes” to Every New Opportunity

My friends and I decided early on that “No” would not be in our vocabulary throughout our study abroad experience.

Shinty came as a surprise though. The oldest Scottish sport, this bizarre mix of field hockey and lacrosse had never crossed my mind before the club secretary approached us at a club fair. The team, mostly composed of Scottish students, welcomed the two Americans who had never heard of the sport.

I have to say our competitiveness and general lack of fear probably ended up being key to our success in playing this new contact sport.

While learning a new sport that felt so niche and particular to the location abroad was quite fun, it was the team that made the experience. Practices were always so social, and a group game to end the night combining the guy’s and girls’ teams really helped us bond. We traveled together throughout the season, and for a team with plenty of newcomers, we weren’t too shabby.

One of my closest friends on the team, Sophie, invited a few of us to her home in the highlands for a weekend, and it was such an adventure! I’m still waiting for her to take me up on a trip to California so I can return the favor.

Create Shared Traditions

As our time in Edinburgh dwindled, my friend from the States and I were racking our brains about how we could thank all these amazing people for coming into our lives and making us feel so at home. We decided that as we had been in the UK for so long and they had introduced us to so much Scottish art, culture, and holidays, we just had to introduce them to one of ours.

Let me tell you, putting together a Thanksgiving dinner for 50 of your closest friends was no small feat, but it was incredibly rewarding.

The few Americans in our group came together to make the essentials, and the rest brought potluck-style items of their choice. My favorite among them was the marshmallow yams made by the shinty social chair. I assured Adam that despite how bizarre the dish sounded, it was a hit.

After a full day of cooking, the massive dinner party was one of my favorite nights of my time abroad. Seeing my found family all gathered together showed how much we meant to each other.

Say Goodbye in Waves

Saying goodbye in successive waves made our last few weeks in Edinburgh extremely hard.

First, we had the end-of-year shinty dinner, where we said goodbye to teammates and close friends. Saying goodbye to Sophie and Marija was rather emotional as we headed in different directions on the corner of Homer and Lauriston Street. We had all gone the long way to spend just a bit more time together before parting ways. Those goodbye hugs were some of the hardest.

Then we had Laura’s goodbye dinner, during which we gave our last hugs to the Warrender Park Road girls. As my American friend and I rode away on the train from Edinburgh to London, we struggled to fathom what our life would look like outside the city we had grown so fond of, the city that had become our home.

Then there were just the five of us, a piece of The Flat-7 Crew. We went to London together for one last hurrah, and after a weekend trying to ignore our impending departure, we parted ways at Kings Cross Station.

Keep the Connections Alive

Reuniting again with my family, my dog, and a California burrito has helped distract me from missing my life abroad. Coming back to Santa Barbara felt odd but also right in a strange way. Forging my own path and experiencing such a new form of independence set me up for an exciting return. The best news is that The Flat-7 Crew is coming to visit this upcoming summer, which has also kept me from missing my second home too much.

I have started making plans for my potential return to Scotland too. My love of the city, the people there and the University of Edinburgh itself keep calling me. I began looking into it as a next step after UCSB. The University of Edinburgh Law school is at the top of my list after graduation. The shinty team has continually asked me when I’m going to start a California team so they can come and visit, and I’m still working on figuring out where to get shinty sticks here in the US.

Although I am separated from that life, over 5,000 miles away, I still feel connected to all of my Edinburgh people.

When I think about Edinburgh, it is not the incredible architecture, the castle on the hill, the statues in the national gallery, the Scotts monument, or Arthur’s Seat that come to mind. Edinburgh is entirely unique, but for me the magic was in the people. With the shinty team I looked forward to every practice or social event. With the girls from Warrender Park Road, I loved dinner parties and made so many plans that I never felt homesick or alone. With the Flat-7 Crew, my found family, I found the feeling of home in a foreign city.

Charlotte, Izzy, Anna, Charlie, Anna and Lael, thank you for being my lightning in a bottle. I hope to make it back to Edinburgh, and I know these people will forever hold a piece of my heart.

So here’s to the journey and the friends we make along the way.

Friends are the family you choose—learn more about making your own family while studying abroad:

• Discover how to make meaningful connections with the locals (aka strangers) you come across as you’re living abroad.
• Building relations takes time, but with a few extra steps, you can make some of the most amazing friendships you’ll ever know.