by Morgan (Trey) Timberlake from UC Berkeley
Ciao UC friends!
As I write this, my study abroad experience in Florence (Firenze), Italy, is over, and I still can’t go home. I’ve spent the better part of the last month living out of my suitcase as I visit friends in Berlin, Madrid, and Paris. I’m writing this from charming Copenhagen where I am visiting my best friend until I must (finally!) return to my hometown of Palm Springs, California.
As I elongate my time abroad and ignore the emails regarding my flight home, I return again and again to one sentiment: Studying abroad was the most transformative experience of my life!
I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone, conquered my feelings of otherness, and forged important cultural connections. I have proven to myself that the world truly is my oyster (and a delicious one at that!).
Scene Heading: Background
I’m a rising senior at UC Berkeley, and I chose to study abroad in Florence because I wanted to connect with my own heritage. I also had a sickly obsession with Luca Guadagnino’s queer Italian film, Call Me By Your Name.
As a gay man, I knew that living with straight men in Italy was going to be a new experience for me. Childhood feelings of isolation and otherness developed over the years into a pseudo-fear of masculinity that had closed me off to male friendships (and a lot of the world). I knew that a majority of my feelings came from internal insecurity and that my view of straight men was derived from subjective prejudices. Florence would be a chance for me to overcome those deep-rooted feelings and connect with new perspectives.
Scene Heading: My Last Week Abroad
After living with five straight men for four months, I had successfully crumbled my fear of masculinity and, to my surprise, developed very intimate male friendships. My newfound ability to unabashedly be myself while surrounded by masculinity was incredibly liberating. I had reconnected with my boyhood self and made significant progress in healing my inner child.
As my time in Florence neared the end, I found myself punched in the gut with grief. The people I had grown to love, and the knowledge I had gained from immersing myself in a culture so vastly different than my own felt monumental—how could I say thank you? How could I show this city and my Florentine family what this time meant?
I decided to write a speech, and three hours later, with the promise of my world-famous three-ingredient pasta, thirteen of us were gathered in the living room.
My heart pounded like a cannon as I stood up and stepped into the center of the room, standing in front of the boys I now called my brothers and all the people who had made this experience so transformative.
Scene Heading: My Farewell Speech
I took a deep breath and began:
“Three nights ago, after dropping my mom off at the airport, I found myself wandering the streets of Florence. As I took in the air, I kept returning to something my mom had said, ‘Thank you for sharing Florence with me.’
“Wow,’ I thought, ‘when did this city allow me to go from stranger to confidant?’ My heart glowed.
“To share with my mom the knowledge and intimate relationships I had gained with Florence made me feel adult and capable in a new way. Florence allowed my mom and I the space to expand in our relationship as I took on the role of educator, and her the student; I the child, and now the friend. I felt strong and invigorated, as if with each deep breath, Florence was making me taller.
“I leave this experience born anew. Since my very first clack on the cobblestone it has been a non stop exploration of the world and myself. From my presentation on Donatello’s David as queer art, to learning all about the intricacies of the NBA, I have found so much happiness here. Within this natural will to live, love, and discover, I am taken back to something I read in Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom, aptly, a book given to me by my brothers.
“As Morrie stares into the eyes of death, he asks his pupil, ‘Are you living as human as you can?’
“In Florence I have been more human than ever before. I have felt uncomfortable and scared as I bring my date back to the apartment to meet my roommates or as I stand in a skirt for a photoshoot in the middle of the city. I’ve been sad, anxious, sick, frustrated, confused and exhausted as I battle the ever-present feeling of ‘I’m not doing this, and why didn’t I go there, and how can I not speak any Italian even though I’ve been studying it for three months?” Yet, without fail, joy, love and youth conquer these feelings as David conquers Goliath, and as will and heart overcome strength and brawn.
“I have loved being here, in the presence of such new perspectives, more than I ever thought I would. I’ve loved this apartment. I’ve loved dressing up my brothers for the opera as our cheeks turn rosy from a glass (or two) of wine. I’ve loved watching the Super Bowl and laughing in a space I’ve always felt excluded from. I’ve loved learning that men can be kind and tender, insightful and funny. I’ve loved doing photoshoots and podcasts with you all – discovering that art is the ultimate conductor of connection. I’ve loved playing cards and introducing my friends to new friends and becoming friends with your friends. I’ve loved sitting in this room, laughing about our late nights out and our youthful shenanigans. I’ve loved being challenged to confront my comfortability and perspectives as I debate Lady Gaga and Post Malone and realize that perhaps I do love just throwing a ball around. I’ve loved growing close to the men of my apartment, luxuriating in the openness that has allowed me to love you all and you all to love me. I’ve loved dancing until the birds start their song and then running down the street to our apartment because we are young and we are free and we can.
“More than anything, even more than Italy’s cookies and their spicy nut mix (I had quite the reputation as a snacker), I will miss the home we have created together. I know these relationships and the knowledge we’ve gained will continue as we close this chapter, yet, I also know nothing will feel as special as being here – in the glow of our laughter and the Florence moon. How human it has been to show myself to the city, and to all of you.
“When we sit at the end of the ultimate journey and we look back on who we were and what we did, all we will have is the love in our hearts and the people we shared it with. Thank you for letting me share. To live is to love, and I’ll never forget how we lived.”
As I finished, I looked up to see the girls crying and boys sniffling. It felt as though the world had come to a quiet halt to let us share this final perfect moment.
And now I address you my UC friends. If you are hesitant about studying abroad, I implore you to take that leap of faith! You never know what treasure awaits.
Lastly, as I close this, I want to ask you, “Are you living as human as you can?”
Learn why so many UC students call their study abroad experiences transformative
- See what Brandon Yoon learned about self-confidence and heritage in South Korea.
- Everyone faces culture shock on study abroad, but reverse culture shock can be just as hard.
- Can’t stand to stay at home? See the steps it takes to start a career abroad after studying abroad.
Leave A Comment